My Life with Ivan Brunetti (p. 1)

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Cej sez

General Depravity I have to say that this is the one that I have looked forward to the most, because it was so ripe with possibilities.  I was quite pleased to get it.   I think that overall, your art and attention to detail has improved considerably.

Injuries to the Eye 1) Lots of great things in this one.  Almost too many to mention.  I think that the decision to go with a light touch was a good one.  Just to name a few: panel 3--the comic book case and the “you must have this much money”; panel 8--the dance of joy and the dove with the olive branch; the contradiction (?) between disgust and desire (a interesting idea in and of itself); panel 5--kicking the guy (I don’t know if it was intentional, but this panel is reminiscent of the old “hero of the beach” ads).

2)  Overall, a pretty good pace to the material.  I think that a little more exposition might have helped to establish the setting.  But I could be biased—maybe I just want more info about the California trip.

3) Mark’s facial expressions are still strong although I still feel that he could use some weight.  Of course, I’ll probably change my mind once I see it.  Such is life.

4) The lettering was much better as well.  The word balloons aren’t quite right, but I’m the last person to complain about those because mine suck.

Anal Intrusions 1) I think that the title could be better placed.  There’s nothing wrong with it being in the top-middle, but it’s small and kind of hard to read, so it doesn’t stand out as the first thing that the reader should read.  As a result, once you realize that it is the title, then, it’s hard to tell if you should read the round panel first or start with the left-most panel.  I always have difficulty with titles.  I think the trick is probably to include them in the overall layout (not as an after thought), and to make them big.

2) The panel borders were better this time, but I’d recommend making them consistently the same width—the outside border seems weak next to the inner borders.

3) As I mentioned, the round panel and title placement kind of threw me, making it hard to tell where to start.  On the positive side, I was pleased to see you experiment with a different panel shape.

Burn the Village Overall, I was really excited about this one and I want to encourage you to explore this style further (although I think it really is an extension of your existing style).  I don’t know how long it took you—and I don’t care—it was worth every minute.  I know that it may be hard for you to see improvement, but it is clear to me that many things are improving, like art, pacing, dialogue, clarity.